Can You Change Your Partner?

In every relationship one or the other partner complains about bad or annoying behavior that adversely affects them and they want to change. She never calls when she says she will. He is always at least 20 minutes late. It takes him three days to do the dishes. She never makes the bed. From starting a relationship to living together, there is always going to be something. You do everything in your bag of tricks to try to get them to stop. You get mad, you threaten, you ignore. Nothing works. The harder you try, the more stuck and resentful you become. You start to feel even more controlled by their behavior.

            Instead of trying to get them to make the change, take the situation into your own hands and alter the way you deal with it. If he refuses to make plans, give him a window and then make your own plans. If she never calls, call her or just expect that she won’t call when she said she would. If he leaves all his dirty clothes on the floor, make sure they are on his side of the room. Take control and then let go. It is all you can do. Make that important shift from getting your partner to do something to doing something yourself. That way, you will feel less resentful and controlled.