How Do You Handle A Bossy Partner?
Exercise more. Lower your voice. Spend more time with me. Everybody wants to tell you what to do – especially the person you are with. Do they get on your case at home? In a restaurant, does they turn into a bossy spouse? And if they do, how can you stop the demands from feeling like you are being controlled?
There are lots of things we do that we are comfortable with, but they irritate our significant other who has no qualms about voicing their frustrations. When your partner tells you what to do, the knee-jerk reaction is to get defensive. Faced with a mandate, you might either fight back or just shut down, keeping your anger on a low flame. Sometimes, the demands can even prompt you to do the opposite as a protest against being bossed around. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
The next time your partner gives you an order – slow down when you drive, stop drinking soda, don’t smoke, be more affectionate – instead of feeling immediately angry and walking away, initiate a conversation. Ask why they are concerned. What are they most worried about? Once they are able to tell you why they want you to drive slower (they want you to be safe), or why they want you to stop smoking (they want you to be healthy), or why they want you to spend more time with them (they want to feel special), then you will be able to hear the love they have for you instead of the contempt that comes across in the bossy demands. With that, you might feel motivated to work together and even deal with some of the behaviors that may be causing you potential harm. If you are aware of the issues, explain that you understand your partner’s apprehension and you are already working on them.
So often we don’t hear our loved one’s real worries and needs because their concern comes through as criticism. The next time your partner tells you to do something, instead of tuning them out and dismissing them, ask them why they care. Instead of causing a fight, it might be an opportunity to better understand how much you are loved.